OK, so I only have a 3.5-yr-old daughter ... what do I know.  But if I can be honest with you, and I'm writing you without any judgement, I think kids your daughter's age are just too young and really don't have a need to be on Facebook, myspace, etc.  And it's not saying that she would use the account inappropriately or anything like that, but now she will be exposed to others in some ways that you would not appreciate (ie. - her first/last name on the other kids wall, his immature comment, etc.).  I just don't see the need.  And the rationale that 'everyone else has an account' isn't enough of a reason.  For the younger set, it just seems like it could open them up to act on every impulse they have (positive or negative) and now be exposed to others that you wish they weren't.  It's bad enough you have teasing, bullying, etc., to deal with as a parent ... and unfortunately predators are everywhere.

I'm sure there's a way she can navigate the web without the risk of exposure at such a young age.    Maybe there's a way she could design her own webpage and post pics of her riding and other activities.

Again, no judgement, just some thoughts.

14 & 17 yr olds here have FB and I am friended with both of them so I can see everything on their accounts (plus I have their log ins)  It really helps me keep track of what's going on, when they may need to talk, when they're just having crappy days...and on and on and on. 

I think you're over reacting.  The other kid was the buttmunch not you kid and the chances are that everyone on both lists knows who she is anyway depending on where it was posted.

Honestly it's easy to get the first/last name info and even what town you're in on FB - it's not a matter of the social network site being bad, it''s a matter of us as parents teaching our kids how to use it wisely.  Apparently the kid in the class hasn't been taught that yet.

Turn not away strangers for some have entertained angels unaware

My middle schooler has a Facebook account. Which I have the password so I can monitor anytime. And I do check periodically. I also know who her friends are and if I don't knwo one, I'll ask who it is.

As for the other kids---as you know, you cannot monitor their behavior. So your child can delete what is written. It was a nasty, cowardly thing to do. It is the same as writing on the bathroom wall or making crank phone calls.  There will always be the mean kid somewhere. We can only teach our own kids how to handle it.

So- I wrote a letter to the school acknowledgeing that even though this message was posted at home on a home computer, that a student of the school wrote these comments about another student at the school- all arising from a disagreement stemming from school. ( boy I hope that's clear) Anyway- I sent the letter to the principal who promptly informed the homeroom teacher who then went BALASTIC     and today DD came home with a written letter of apology from the boy assuring that the message has been deleted from his wall.

Hopefully that will be the end of it.

I have 15, 13 and 10 year olds.  None of them have a facebook acct.  I trust each of them completely, a trust that they have earned and deserve.  I just feel that a facebook account opens them up to putting themselves at risk ~ possibly giving too much information unknowingly.  There are too many people who they might think are their "friends" and they'll end up hurting them.  I like my kids to communicate the "old fashioned" way.  Talking, face to face.

good to hear things went ok with school Ksat -

I wish I were having as much luck with the school my DD is in *growl*

Turn not away strangers for some have entertained angels unaware

Well- the school apparently had trouble 2 years ago with the 7th grade class and posting inappropraie messages on facebook about fellow students. But because they are a small Catholic school, they can probably get away with "doing things" that would never be accepted in a public school setting. 

If this occured in public school, they would brush it under the rug or say if it was not on school time, they don't want to hear about it. Then  the behaviour would continue.

Or it would have been all turned around and dd would have been blamed because it was her "fault"  for not cleaning out the sink  Public school systems have such twisted ways of thinking.

Sorry to hear Tamena that your dd are having a a tough time. My heart really goes out to you.

KSat..i'm sooo glad i found this post!!! i'm going thru the same issue with my 12 yr old dd...she's been asking for a fb acct for a while and i refuse! she even came to me with a 2 page letter listing what she promises to do and not do on the site, most of her friends have an acct..but your story is what scares me...i'm afraid that some certain 'friends' will trash her wall and start all kinds of stuff and I just think 12 is just too young! they may think they're mature enough (so my daughter keeps reminding me!) but I'm still scared. I do have an account myself and would be able to set up all the privacy settings for hers if i decide to ever let her open one. BUT...Facebook has been making sooo many changes so quickly so it's kind of hard to keep up with resetting all the privacy settings for your account, which is another thing that worrys me. another worry of mine, is that she somehow already set up an account under a different name and being sneaky about it, and i don't know how to find that out...the only reason i have that thought is BECAUSE back in 5th grade i got a call from her principal for a meeting, walked into the office to see a police officer there (someone i went to school with so i knew well) and my daughter (10 yrs old) sitting there practically in tears...apparently some of her so called friends had myspace pages and were using her name to trash other children...no my daughter did not have a myspace page and yes i found out who these other kids were and the school took care of it, (some were from another school and our principal took care of that too).

soooo now that i just ranted about it all, i'm still torn and still confused if i should let her set up a fb acct...she wants to just play games, chat with her friends and of course check out the music links but with all the changes in security settings lately i'm afraid...any advice???

"To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did"

ok wait i just re-read my post...i didn't mean to imply that i think my daughter already has an acct set up under an assumed name...i don't think she would do that.. but she did tell me that some kids she knows has done that so their parents won't find out...i do trust my daughter but she is 12 and she's more of a follower which makes me worry like crazy about her!

"To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did"

The thing is, with this kid, the message was not posted on dd wall- the two are not friends. The kid posted this message on HIS wall and another mutual friend saw my dd name and the posting on this kids wall and "im'ed" my dd alerting her to what this kid put on his wall. And this boy blocked dd from even viewing his profile. Any attempt to find him was fruitless since he blocked her from everything.  So there was no real way to even report him to facebook since we did not have access to his wall. DD asked her friend to report his posting as abuse but  I don't know if that ever happened.

And honstly, this kid would have posted this stuff on his wall regardless if my dd had a facebook account or not. But I think the fact that she DID have an account made it easier for her friends to alert her. But of cousre, many of her classmates also saw this kids posting on his wall so needles to say, it's all over school. And the kid today still has not let up. Today he has been calling dd a "whore"  and spreading it around to all the boys. Nice!  Another phone call is being made to his mother this afternoon.